“After a few nights in the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming – it was time to say goodbye,” she wrote. “He just wouldn’t survive it, and if it went on any longer, I might not either. We had tried bags and bags of blood transfusions, each one passing through me as if we had done nothing at all. Late one night, they told me it would be time to leave in the morning.” She wrote that she had to give birth to the son they planned to name Jack, knowing he would not survive. “My mom, John and I held him and said our own private goodbyes, mom sobbing through the Thai prayer,” she wrote. “I asked the nurses to show me his hands and feet and I kissed them over and over and over. I have no idea when I stopped. It could have been 10 minutes or an hour.” As of May 2021, Teigen took a step back from the limelight and social media after celebrities including Courtney Stodden and Farrah Abraham accused her of bullying. In July, Teigen posted on Instagram that she had been sober for a year. “I miss feeling carefree and carefree sometimes, but to be honest towards the end, it didn’t give me that fun feeling anyway,” she wrote on Instagram. “I was drinking to end the crazy anxiety which later mostly went away when – I got this – I stopped drinking! sigh. I feel pretty good anyway. sometimes I get really frustrated looking back on days I should remember so much better than I do the alcohol. “There are pictures of huge moments in life where my eyes just look… go away. Some are from real work shoots, some are just days at the beach with the family. Although I honestly STILL don’t know if I’ll ever have a drink again. I know I never want to be like that again. And for now, neither is best. I’ll let the bad dreams come and try to work them out in therapy, without drinking.”
