“It’s happened to a lot of people. I don’t know anyone who took Paxlovid who didn’t get it again,” he said. “It’s the hottest rebound since JLo tested positive for second Affleck case.” Experts say rebound infections are caused by “drug exposure insufficiency” – as not enough drug gets into infected cells to stop all viral replication. “So Covid is emerging right away, so the White House is trying to give Paxlovid to Biden’s poll numbers,” Colbert said. Colbert then turned to infuriating news from Washington about veterans’ health care. “I’ve been making political make-up jokes for over 20 years now and I’ve never seen anything as baldly cynical and needlessly malicious as this,” he said. “And if there are kids in the room, tell them to grow old fast and vote.” Colbert was referring to the Pact Act, which would extend health care coverage to military veterans exposed to toxic chemicals or burns during their service. “That’s something we can agree on — if we’re going to go to war, we have to take care of the warriors,” Colbert said. Both the House and Senate initially voted on the bill, but due to an administrative issue, the Senate had to vote again. Twenty-five Republican senators reverse their votes, blocking passage of the Pact Act. “Why would Republicans screw veterans on a bill they voted for in the past?” Colbert wondered. “Well, one theory is that they had their boxers in a pile after Joe Manchin and Chuck Schumer secretly negotiated a big climate deal.” Jon Tester, a Democratic senator from Montana, attributed the vote to “political payback” by people who had “lost their minds.” “Well, that would be some misplaced anger, GOP,” Colbert fumed. “It’s like a quarterback saying, ‘OK, pick it up, we’re down 20, I just made an interception and the other team scored.’ Here’s the play: I’m going to beat the crap out of that old man at the hot dog stand.’ Colbert then skewered Ted Cruz, who punched GOP Sen. Steve Daines after he blocked the veterans health care bill he had previously passed. “I imagine there are some veterans out there who would also like to punch Ted Cruz,” Colbert said.
Trevor Noah
On the Daily Show, Trevor Noah admired the pettiness of Donald Trump, who last month buried his ex-wife Ivana Trump near the first hole of the Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, New Jersey, presumably for a tax break. The odd burial site would exempt the golf course from New Jersey’s tax code, which does not tax land used as a cemetery. “Wow. A lot of people say, ‘I’m going to pay taxes on my dead body,’ but Trump means it. Over somebody else’s body,” Noah said. “Even for him, this seems like a step too far,” he continued. “I don’t care what anyone says. I wouldn’t even laugh at it as a joke. If someone said to me, “Donald Trump’s ex-wife died, he’s probably going to bury her on the golf course to save taxes,” I’d be like, “boy, that’s not cool, man.” “But it turns out Trump was like, ‘wait, wait, say more. I’ll send it to my accountant, go ahead.’ “What it really shows you is how weird the tax system can be,” Noah concluded. “All this tax break does is encourage you to be weird. Who thought of this? It almost sounds like the law was written by a serial killer – “there should be a law that if you bury a body in your backyard, you don’t have to pay taxes anymore.”
Jimmy Fallon
And on the Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon started with the case of Biden recovering from Covid. “Right now, Biden is looking on the bright side,” he said. “It’s like, ‘well, at least Covid got me a second term.’ “Usually when a 79-year-old is on the rebound, you meet your new aunt named Barbara,” he joked. “The virus came back so quickly that the staff didn’t even have time to take down the Get Well Soon balloons.” Fallon also wondered about the single Illinois ticket that won the $1.34 billion Mega Millions jackpot over the weekend. “The winner hasn’t come out yet, so they’re either contacting financial experts or they’re at home saying, ‘nonsense, where is he, I’ve gone swimming, nobody’s turning on the washing machine!’” he said. he said. And after a trip to Canada in a wheelchair and walker, Pope Francis said he will either need to slow down or retire. “So I guess we know who won the Mega Millions,” Fallon joked. “Congratulations, Your Holiness.”
