Posted: 11:21, August 7, 2022 |  Updated: 11:21, August 7, 2022  

Q Our daughter recently separated from her husband of 14 years due to his gambling addiction, which left them both £2,000 in debt. She had known about his behavior for some time, though not the true extent of the problem, and had constantly forgiven him and taken out loans to bail him out for the sake of their ten-year-old son. The final straw was when he discovered he was more than £40,000 in debt, despite his promises to stop gambling. She had also forged her signature on credit cards and taken out additional loans in her name without her knowledge. An anonymous parent has shared his concern about his daughter’s husband. They revealed he has a gambling problem, racking up £40,000 in debt Now she is stuck with him in the same marital home (although she and their son are staying with us for now) because she says she has no money to leave. They are both in so much debt and her credit is ruined, which has a major impact on her being able to find somewhere of her own to rent or buy. This took a terrible toll on her. She was over £40,000 in debt and took out loans in her name A This is incredibly difficult for your daughter. Your son-in-law has failed his wife and their child. Some of his behavior – forging her signature on credit cards and taking out loans in her name without her knowledge – is criminal, but I expect she doesn’t want to contact the police because it could affect her son. It must be painful to be tied up in the same house as her ex. Plus, it’s unfair that she’s the one who had to leave temporarily. Her ex-husband clearly has a gambling addiction for which he needs help. While he may be extremely financially irresponsible, he may also be a loving dad in other ways, and if so, he should see his son on a regular basis for the latter’s sake. Unfortunately, gambling can wreak havoc on family life. Sometimes people – men and women – get so addicted to gambling apps that they can’t hold down a job or relationship, or even remember to pick up their kids from school or feed them because gambling takes over. So the first thing your daughter should do is contact gamcare.org.uk for advice and urge her ex to do the same. Your daughter needs to take steps to protect herself She can also take steps to protect herself in the future. She could contact an organization like stepchange.org or payplan.com, which can provide free debt counseling and could help your daughter get back on her feet. They can also help her check her credit score and if there is inaccurate information, she can apply for correction and also make it clear that there is no longer any financial relationship with her ex. It won’t be easy for her to move forward as a single mother, but it sounds like you’re willing to support her and your grandchild as much as you can. So he’ll get over that. MY OBSESSIVE JUDGMENT IS DRIVING HIM CRAZY Q For years I prided myself on having an immaculate home while raising our two children – now adults – and being involved in our church and community. I often think other people are lazy. I was looking forward to my husband retiring next year, but he dropped a bombshell. He says he can’t cope if he’s at home all day. He says my obsessive housekeeping is driving him crazy and complains that all he wants is to relax, while I can’t even leave the house if there’s a crumb on the table or my makeup isn’t perfect. I’m devastated. I know there is truth in what he says, but all I want is to create the perfect home and it looks like I’ve been doing it all wrong. A I can understand why you feel devastated because, from your point of view, you have worked so hard to create a perfect home and family and maybe now you feel unappreciated. However, that word “perfect” is perhaps the problem. Perfectionism can be a form of illness – sometimes associated with obsessive-compulsive disorder. This stems from a feeling of insecurity, or that you are never good enough, or a desperate need to control your environment to drown out difficult feelings. I wonder if the need to achieve “perfection” has made you happy or is it more like a controlling drive. It must be exhausting and I suspect it is impossible for you to relax – which is so hard for your husband. But don’t despair. Contact sane.org.uk or mind.org.uk for more help. I would also highly recommend marriage counseling together (try relate.org.uk) because I think with help you can solve this problem.

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