Michelle Bowden, certified public speaking professional, has delivered her Persuasive Presentation Skills masterclass to over 12,000 people and works with the who’s who of international business to help them win multi-million dollar deals and projects. Now, she’s written her new book How to Persuade to equip readers with the skills, tips, and actions you need to get exactly what you want and improve your charisma. Certified Public Speaking Professional Michelle Bowden has delivered the Persuasive Presentation Skills masterclass to over 12,000 people “It is a fact that likeable people are the ones who get the farthest in life. Even if you’re not the smartest or the most experienced, if you’re the most likable, you’ll often be the most persuasive right now,” says Michelle. “On the contrary, unlikable people are a dead end. They destroy joy and can make people feel uncomfortable, judged and afraid. “The four most unlikely behaviors toward others were unsatisfactory grooming, killing fun, and ignoring or talking over others.”

Voting

What is the biggest turn off? 


 1. Unsatisfactory grooming 245 votes       2. Killing the fun 108 votes       3. Ignoring people 245 votes       4. Speaking of another 365 votes
  1. Be attractive Like it or not, attractive people get more breaks in life than their “straight” counterparts. Business psychologist Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic reported in 2019 that people who don’t fit a society’s dominant aesthetic criteria simply don’t get the same breaks in life as those who do. And Harvard University psychologist and researcher Nancy L Etcoff and her colleagues published a 2011 study that found well-groomed women wearing makeup were seen as more attractive, competent, likable and trustworthy than bare-faced women. Pretty convincing! The good news is that “attractiveness” isn’t really related to your “natural” beauty. Whatever you look like, you can definitely make the most of your qualities and characteristics. Like it or not, attractive people get more breaks in life than their “normal” counterparts You don’t have to spend a lot of money to make yourself attractive. Ask yourself this: • Is styling your hair the best way for your face? Is it well-kept and stylish? • Do you keep yourself clean and tidy? • Do you wear clothes that flatter your body type? • Are your nose and ear hairs trimmed? • Do you smell good? • Are your teeth clean? • Are your nails well maintained? • Do you have clean shoes and are your clothes washed and ironed without food stains and messes? • Did you put on your shirt? You might think this is fussy and nobody else’s business, and the bad news is you think so at your own peril. These things count when it comes to persuasion.

The three ways to enhance your charisma – and why it matters

Why be charismatic? Charismatic people are attractive, likable and respected. They convey an infectious confidence about their point of view and can win people over with their magnetic personality and charm. When someone is charismatic, people want to be like them and also want to spend time with them. And when someone is charismatic, they are automatically more believable, regardless of their point of view. You will certainly be more persuasive if you can develop your perceived charisma. There are three areas you need to work on if you want to build your perceived charisma with others:

  1. Presence Attendance is about smooth activity. Imagine a swan gliding along the water. They seem calm, peaceful and controlled. Under the water their legs kick and paddle furiously, but you don’t see all the commotion.
    To make sure you appear smooth on the surface, it’s important to limit stressful behavior such as jerky movements, closed body language, and impulsive comments or actions. You can demonstrate power by maintaining an upright, commanding posture and maintaining direct eye contact
  2. Power Strength is about your confidence and how much you like and support yourself. It is an inner confidence that radiates from you that leads to success. You can demonstrate strength by maintaining an upright, commanding posture, maintaining direct eye contact, and your superior ability to articulate your point through excellent structure and intelligent storytelling. Perhaps you could begin to improve your strength and charisma by joining the conversations around you. Try to insert a short story, example, or metaphor (even in a small way) into every conversation.
  3. Warmth
    Warmth is about the perceived care and acceptance of the other person. If you are a charismatic person, you relax and make people feel amazing! You make others feel important and like they matter. This of course can be very tempting and addictive to the people around you. People want to spend time with someone who makes them feel worthy. If you wish to develop this skill, aim to do all the activities that easily build relationships, care for others, remember basic facts about them. Interestingly, warmth is also conveyed a lot through the eyes and facial expressions. If you want to improve your warmth and thus your charisma, you could practice looking at people the same way you would look at a person you care deeply about (don’t be weird about it though!).
  4. Smile and “smile” Smiling is a winning behavior that is internationally recognized as a sign of positivity. Did you know that babies are born with the ability to smile? People who smile are perceived by others as confident, positive and attractive. You look younger when you smile a lot because of the way smiling affects your facial muscles. Smiling is even good for you because it releases endorphins and other chemicals that help you relax and feel good. Unsurprisingly, a study by the American Association of Cosmetic Dentistry found that people were more likely to remember your smile than the first thing you said. A wonderful persuasion strategy is not just to smile, but to “smile” – or smile with your eyes. This is a term coined by supermodel Tyra Banks. Over 50 different types of smile are possible, but what is considered the most sincere is the smile – it pushes into your eyes, your eyes sparkle and you look really happy. Unsurprisingly, a study by the American Association of Cosmetic Dentistry found that people were more likely to remember your smile than the first thing you said
  5. Laugh and use humor to negotiate Laughter is a great way to build relationships with people because playful communication evokes good feelings and a positive emotional connection. You probably know that a sense of humor is one of the first things people look for in a life partner – because people who know how to laugh are more likely to drop their defenses, act more spontaneously, and release inhibitions. Funny people are likeable. People who laugh freely are seen as happy, light and fun. Who wouldn’t want that? Humor that works for both parties can also help you negotiate more effectively, resolve conflict, and move people forward. It is true that laughter brings people together in difficult times. Befriend funny people and watch and read funny stuff everyday. Whether you’re standing or sitting, aligning your shoulders with the other person and keeping your hands open and visible shows that you’re interested and engaged in the conversation
  6. Show your hands and don’t worry Showing your hands signals safety – the people around you have nothing to fear. Whether you’re standing or sitting, aligning your shoulders with the other person and having your hands open and visible shows that you’re interested and engaged in the conversation. Twisting, twisting your body, or hiding your hands means either a lack of interest or a disagreement. Also, you shouldn’t do much else with your hands if you intend to be reliable. For example, don’t cross your arms, don’t put your hands in your pockets, don’t hold your crotch, don’t clasp your hands behind your back, don’t hold your fingers in a bell position, don’t touch your face or hair you and don’t worry about your rings or clothes. These distracting hand movements prevent the interested party from listening properly. They may even start to distrust you. Twisting, twisting your body, or hiding your hands means either a lack of interest or a disagreement Michelle wrote her new book How to Persuade to equip readers with the skills, tips and actions you need to get exactly what you want and improve your charisma.
  7. Listen and don’t talk over people Bestselling author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Stephen Covey wisely said, “Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand. they listen with the intention of answering.” Isn’t it so annoying when you’re talking and someone talks over you? Doing so means the person doesn’t value what you’re saying. It breaks the relationship and prevents the creation of goodwill. Try to do your best to listen when someone is talking. Please pause before adding your opinion. If you focus on these five actions, you’ll become even more likeable than you already are and look out at the world – because that’s one of the skills you need to get what you want! Adapted excerpts from How to Persuade: The Skills You Need to Get What You Want (Wiley $29.95, Aug 1, 2022) by Michelle Bowden.