From hard work and a mediocre life, I was able to retire and now volunteer for a charity – my main job is to help the sick and disabled. I also co-organize a local social group for gatherings and outings to help not only myself, but also others, meet people. I give a discount to those who are too old, to those with whom I would not go on a seesaw, and to women who say, “I did this and got the T-shirt” for relationships – and rarely stay. I recently went out with someone who was talking for a long time to end it abruptly without giving a reason. That was disastrous. We only ever hugged, but it reminded me of what I’s missing from my cold life. I have completely refuted the saying “There is someone for everyone”. Obviously does not exist. Do I have to give up being left alone for the rest of my days? Or should I keep trying and hoping to meet someone special, knowing that repeated failure hurts my self-esteem and my mental health? Philippa’s reply I probably get more emails on this topic than anyone else. Like you, they are good-natured and far-sighted in meeting people. And, like you, they had bad luck. I said: make yourself vulnerable. Dare to share your feelings first. to be who you really are rather than who you think you should be. and if you do not like someone, this is for him, do not take it too personally. But your email alerted me to something I may have been missing. That is, lack of success can cause bitterness and resentment. You have noticed some of the women in your social group – those who say, “I did this and got the T-shirt” – that made me wonder if you were wearing one of these t-shirts. Could a resigned pessimism flow through you, with a side series of bitterness? When we are hurt, we build defenses. but if we do that, no one can come in. The “see-saw” comment is problematic. You seem to be referring to weight. This attitude can make you look like you are looking for a commodity to use and not a person to associate with. People will understand. Who wants to be elected just because he is thin? Do not think of online dating as shopping: the perfect person is not out there. Compromise with someone on the court and when you allow each other to influence each other and dare to be flexible, you can become each other’s number one. Do not think of yourself as just a selector. allow yourself to be found, too. Have an open mind and be less confident about how people are I expect you to be a good person. And I think most other people in your case are wonderful too, but it ‘s understandable that you can be wary of being left on the altar, in ghosts and in rejection – but being overly cautious does not help when you’re looking for intimacy. If the women who responded sounded negative, they may, like you, have worn out using dating apps. Maybe this is something you might ask the next time you use one of these apps. Counting messages made me laugh, but remember that this is a date, not the writing of an academic paper – you have nothing to prove. There is a hint of something else that can discourage people – and that is how confident you seem about some things. Try to be more open-minded, embrace the “I do not know” more and be less sure of how people are and if you would put up with them. Put the crisis to one side (people can smell “righteous” from a mile away). The way you judge your appearance and character also gives me a hint that this is how you can judge possible dates. You no longer need to put people in boxes and, anyway, your type may not be your type. Your “very old” also rang the alarm bell for me. If you only address people younger than you, it could explain the lack of replies to your messages. You should never rule out meeting anyone and you can still go on with the rest of your life and aim to enjoy it as much as possible, with or without a long-term relationship. You do not know if you will find a partner or not and you will need to be comfortable with this uncertainty. Make less effort, go to appointments and outings to have fun and do not treat appointments as an interview or work. Be open, be yourself and prioritize enjoyment. You really do not know what can happen. If you have any questions, please send a short email to [email protected]
